I had a dream recently, one that has stayed with me for a few weeks. It was so vivid I remembered much of it well at first but it’s fading now so I don’t recall the start. The end of this dream remains just as vivid though, and significant to where I’m at, now. I’m sharing it here as perhaps it may be significant to you, too…
In the dream, I had been sidetracked from getting ready to go somewhere that felt important but probably wasn’t and was returning, late, to the flat I was staying in. This flat was on the first floor.
I stepped into the lift and looked at the buttons. There were only three: First, second and third floors. But the button that should have been for the third floor was replaced. In its place was a typed note, placed carefully under the glass: Rachael Blair. The idea of this terrified me. Who put it there? What would I find if I went up? What might happen to me? I reached for it, then lowered my hand and pressed the button for the first floor. The lift shot up to the third anyway.
When the doors opened, I was standing at the top of a roller coaster, which, in my waking life, is something I’ve avoided since my teens. All that twisting and turning and never really being sure what’s coming next… I found myself in a car, hurtling around this purple track, holding on for life, when I realised that there was no ‘end’ to this ride. It just stopped in mid air. I think I held breath and then…
I don’t know where I was or even whether I was sitting or standing, but I was watching this amazing woman in a superhero costume (again, purple). She was flying through the air, laughing. Twisting and turning, speeding up and slowing down with a big smile on her face. It looked like fun and I wanted to try – unlike the roller coaster, she was in control. ‘I wish I could do that’ I thought.
The dream ended with us lying next to each other, me voicing my wish aloud. She laughed, shaking her head and looked at me silently. I woke up.
Superhero or sidekick?
It was days later, when I had revisited the dream a few times in my mind that I realised… That superhero was me. But, so afraid of owning my power, I stepped out of myself and watched it happening instead. This can be how I do life sometimes – fear of all that twisting and turning and not knowing where we’re going – that’s what life is, is it not? And just sitting there holding on and letting it happen isn’t fun. Taking control however… Well that’s scary. But it’s also liberating. When I write – when I know I’m writing something good, and get into that ‘flow’ state, and after a great session with one of my lovely coaching clients, I’m in that supersuit. In between, however, I can allow my brain to make up stories that reduce me to the sidekick to those who came before me and did it better (did they, really? Or is it just different?).
This summer I’m starting to notice more when I slip back into sidekick mode, and allowing myself to step back into that supersuit and see the positive effect it has. Not just on me, but on those around me – that confidence stops me sweating the small stuff and allows me to take better care of myself, which of course makes me a better coach, writer, mother, wife, sister, friend etc. (not in that order!)…
So, I’m curious – do you have a supersuit..? When did you last wear it and how did it make your feel..? And, I’m most interested to know: Do you wear it all the time and if not, why not..? Do share in the comments below, I’d love to hear what your superpowers are! 🙂