Beautiful, aren’t they?
They stopped me in my tracks last week. The leaves have been slowly turning for while but last week was the first time I’d really paid attention. The colours took my breath away but you know what my first thought was? “There’s no green left.” I like green. For me it signifies calm, and growth.
But growth is not always calm, is it?
These leaves are not young. They’ve been through a few seasons and soon they’ll fall, making way for something new. In the meantime, they’re turning. They’re no longer green. But they are red, orange, yellow… In one leaf, I see all the colours. A fire in my hand…
Earlier this week I watched someone cleaning up the park with a leaf blower. We always like to clean up the mess don’t we? And eventually (in the case of the leaves), it needs to be done for practical reasons. But nature is messy. There’s no getting away from it. I feel a bit messy at the moment. I’ve been too busy to think about it though.
That sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? I’m too busy to think? A conversation with my friend and brilliant career coach Hayley Wintermantle jolted me out of this nonsense today. I told her I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and when she asked me questions about how I take care of myself, I talked about all the stuff I was doing that meant I was too busy to take time out… Then I talked about stuff I was doing for me (not much)… and even as I spoke I knew I was making up stories (we all do it). I’d got sucked back into the ‘busy’ story once again.
When I stopped talking for a second, I noticed the language I was using… I ‘have’ to, I ‘can’t’, I ‘do’ x, y and z, I’m busy ‘doing’… Even when talking about relaxing, it was all about what I’m ‘doing’ to relax. Wow.
So when was I being?
You’d think, as someone who makes personalised meditations for coaching clients, that I’d place a high value on meditating myself, wouldn’t you? Well, lately I haven’t. In fact, it wasn’t until today that I even noticed I haven’t made time for meditation for almost a month now. How did that happen?
No wonder I’ve been feeling overwhelmed.
Back to those leaves… I tend to find that changing seasons also bring about change within me. As the leaves turn, I’ve been changing too. But as with the leaves, I wasn’t paying attention. Soon some of those leaves will fall. I wonder, when the leaves fall, does it hurt the tree? Or are they ready to shed? Am I..?
The honest answer is I don’t know. I’m changing some things. You may have noticed some changes on this website, I’ve updated some of the words but I’m not done yet. There are more changes to come so for the minute some pages are missing. I guess I’m shedding. But that’s ok. Things change. People change. I’m still me. I’m just making space for new leaves to grow.
So, to make space, I’ll be taking a few days off in the next few weeks. How about you? Are you spending enough time just being? How will you make space for something new to grow..? Do share in the comments below – let’s just be, together.